Saturday, January 18, 2014
and she lived happily ever after!!!
I'm engaged!!! He has made all my dreams come true!! A public proposal at school!!!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Bliss
As November rolls in, I am surrounded by so many changes.
Superficial changes like new computers and a new car.
But more so, the emergence of a new life.
A new home.
A new "status."
I have waited 28 years for this. And I want to write a book, I want to scream it from the rooftops, that all the hurt, all the pain, all the unanswered questions,tears and heartbreak. All the what ifs, and what nows, and why nows, all come to this. The broken road has led me to my best friend. He came into my life 10 months ago and my life has not been the same sense.
How do I begin to describe these feelings....it is unconditional love and acceptance.
It is realizing, at the same moment, looking into each others eyes and realizing how similar you are.
The only regret you have is not meeting each other sooner.
It is being put on a pedestal.
It is being thought of first in every situation...restaurant choice, future home, kids, family situations.
It is talking about the most intimate details of your health, your family, your struggles and feeling closer than ever each day that passes.
It is looking at each other and knowing what the other is thinking.
It is the commitment of the everyday, the mundane, the boring, the moodyness, the excitement, the adventures.
It is leaving work early to make sure I am ok and taking care of me when I am sick.
It is taking me on a tour of the elementary school, middle school and high school that our future children will attend.
It is the everyday goal of making sure I am the happier than the day before, and me having the same goal for him.
It is asking me to move in, but more, asking me if I would like to be engaged first to prove to me how committed he is. A reminder that he will not be repeating history.
It is asking, rather then telling me, what the house should look like, paint, furniture etc. It is not stressing about furniture placement but rather focusing on building a family in the new home.
I have come so far. I struggle with my body and image and different things, but the difference now is that I have a man that I can talk to, vent to, disclose my deepest secrets and somehow, he makes me feel ok again.
Life without a best friend, a partner, a wonderful father one day, someone to share life with, is really a life wasted. But finding the right one, is never a waste of time, that I know well.
My next most will most likely me that of a ring, a proposal, and the start of the most beautiful exciting happiest time of my life. And then I will close this blog down. As I have learned what I need to for this stage of my life. And a new blog will emerge as I enter a new stage of my life....marriage, a home, kids, and the ups and downs and perfectness of life. How far I have come. And how worth it, my journey was.
Going to bed feeling so so loved.
Superficial changes like new computers and a new car.
But more so, the emergence of a new life.
A new home.
A new "status."
I have waited 28 years for this. And I want to write a book, I want to scream it from the rooftops, that all the hurt, all the pain, all the unanswered questions,tears and heartbreak. All the what ifs, and what nows, and why nows, all come to this. The broken road has led me to my best friend. He came into my life 10 months ago and my life has not been the same sense.
How do I begin to describe these feelings....it is unconditional love and acceptance.
It is realizing, at the same moment, looking into each others eyes and realizing how similar you are.
The only regret you have is not meeting each other sooner.
It is being put on a pedestal.
It is being thought of first in every situation...restaurant choice, future home, kids, family situations.
It is talking about the most intimate details of your health, your family, your struggles and feeling closer than ever each day that passes.
It is looking at each other and knowing what the other is thinking.
It is the commitment of the everyday, the mundane, the boring, the moodyness, the excitement, the adventures.
It is leaving work early to make sure I am ok and taking care of me when I am sick.
It is taking me on a tour of the elementary school, middle school and high school that our future children will attend.
It is the everyday goal of making sure I am the happier than the day before, and me having the same goal for him.
It is asking me to move in, but more, asking me if I would like to be engaged first to prove to me how committed he is. A reminder that he will not be repeating history.
It is asking, rather then telling me, what the house should look like, paint, furniture etc. It is not stressing about furniture placement but rather focusing on building a family in the new home.
I have come so far. I struggle with my body and image and different things, but the difference now is that I have a man that I can talk to, vent to, disclose my deepest secrets and somehow, he makes me feel ok again.
Life without a best friend, a partner, a wonderful father one day, someone to share life with, is really a life wasted. But finding the right one, is never a waste of time, that I know well.
My next most will most likely me that of a ring, a proposal, and the start of the most beautiful exciting happiest time of my life. And then I will close this blog down. As I have learned what I need to for this stage of my life. And a new blog will emerge as I enter a new stage of my life....marriage, a home, kids, and the ups and downs and perfectness of life. How far I have come. And how worth it, my journey was.
Going to bed feeling so so loved.
Friday, September 20, 2013
The start of the 6th year
My 6th year of teaching started off with a bang. Hectic lovelyness. 35 kids per class. Autistic kids. Special Ed kids. But I feel right into a routine. I know how to teach, and to teach it well. Yes, my principal still talks to me about getting those test scores up; but 6 years later my reply is always something along these lines:
"With all the chatter in public ed about common core and highest test scores, I've had just about enough. I'm far from the perfect teacher but I know that no matter the circumstances or consequences I will always be a teacher who cares more about her students well being, engagement in the classroom, making learning fun, and building relationships than I do about the number of bubbles they circle in correctly on a scantron."
I can say it with confidence, and I can say it to my boss. I am not saying I do not want my kids to do well. Of course I do. But do I care if my test scores have 80% kids proficient compared to the high school who has 89%, hell no. I never will. No one will ever be able to convince me otherwise. It is just not in me. Do well. Have fun. Be responsible. Do your work. Life is too short. It is not worth the student's or the teacher's stress.
And it is with this attitude and the fabulous people I work with that I am loving my 6th year of teaching, and seeing the profession in a whole new light. I picked a profession that has an immense impact on young people; one in which I can teach the mistakes of my past into lessons for them in the future. Where I can teach them to embrace a culture different than their own, speak a new language, and realize that learning can be fun.
My relationship is going 8 months strong, although it feels more like 8 years. In a good way. I have never known a feeling quite like the one of being 100% comfortable with another human being. Comfortable enough to fight and to love. To poke fun and to embrace. To support and disagree. He calls me to make sure his sport jacket looks ok through FACETIME. His cuteness is killing me. He now has a home. He bought a home. That will soon be our home. To grow into. For our family. He bought it with me in mind. For our future. For his future. For our children. He adores kids. And will one day make an incredible father.
As we agree to take one step at a time, because why rush something so perfect from the start, I cannot help but anticipate the excitement ahead. I am living the life I always wanted, with the best friends and family I could ask for, and my best friend, and soul mate right by my side.
Until next time....
ps. I found yoga...my hip is 80% better, I cannot begin to talk about the benefits both physically, mentally and spiritually it is a GAME CHANGER!
"With all the chatter in public ed about common core and highest test scores, I've had just about enough. I'm far from the perfect teacher but I know that no matter the circumstances or consequences I will always be a teacher who cares more about her students well being, engagement in the classroom, making learning fun, and building relationships than I do about the number of bubbles they circle in correctly on a scantron."
I can say it with confidence, and I can say it to my boss. I am not saying I do not want my kids to do well. Of course I do. But do I care if my test scores have 80% kids proficient compared to the high school who has 89%, hell no. I never will. No one will ever be able to convince me otherwise. It is just not in me. Do well. Have fun. Be responsible. Do your work. Life is too short. It is not worth the student's or the teacher's stress.
And it is with this attitude and the fabulous people I work with that I am loving my 6th year of teaching, and seeing the profession in a whole new light. I picked a profession that has an immense impact on young people; one in which I can teach the mistakes of my past into lessons for them in the future. Where I can teach them to embrace a culture different than their own, speak a new language, and realize that learning can be fun.
My relationship is going 8 months strong, although it feels more like 8 years. In a good way. I have never known a feeling quite like the one of being 100% comfortable with another human being. Comfortable enough to fight and to love. To poke fun and to embrace. To support and disagree. He calls me to make sure his sport jacket looks ok through FACETIME. His cuteness is killing me. He now has a home. He bought a home. That will soon be our home. To grow into. For our family. He bought it with me in mind. For our future. For his future. For our children. He adores kids. And will one day make an incredible father.
As we agree to take one step at a time, because why rush something so perfect from the start, I cannot help but anticipate the excitement ahead. I am living the life I always wanted, with the best friends and family I could ask for, and my best friend, and soul mate right by my side.
Until next time....
ps. I found yoga...my hip is 80% better, I cannot begin to talk about the benefits both physically, mentally and spiritually it is a GAME CHANGER!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Goodbye Summer 2013, you have restored my faith in all things good
I
couldn't have had a better summer. Weddings, retirement parties, dinner
clubs, books read, catching up with friends, sleeping in, finding yoga,
babysitting for my adorable cousins, movies, family time and my favorite
part, spending lots of time, dinners, lunches, and vacations with my Adam.
He has completely restored my faith in the existence of good,loyal,
caring people whose main priority is just to make sure you are happy.
Hands down best summer ever, with exciting changes coming up this fall. Personally and Professionally. I feel, for the first time, that my life is where I want it to be. I hoped, wished, dreamed of this my whole life. The road getting here was a bit rocky, but as my gramma always said, everything happens for a reason, and the path I took, made the person I am now, made me ready for the next stage of my life to begin. I am loved by a man that I could have only hoped for in my dreams. He gives me butterflies. He is encouraging and loyal and sarcastic and loves life. He is handsome and loving. He embraces my past and doesn't judge me for it. He looks forward. I love him to the moon and back. I cannot wait for the rest of my life to start. The future is so bright. Here is to love, family, friends, and life-long memories.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
Big Week
This very well be a big week for me.
New opportunities on the horizon.
Despite all the growth, despite all the life experience, I still fear jumping into the unknown.
Having said that, I am blessed with a wonderful man that has provided me with many different perspectives, scenarios, and endless support no matter what decision I make.
He thinks about the future, but understands the ties to my past.
Sometimes the best parts of your life, come from taking a huge risk, a huge chance, trusting in the opportunities that come your way.
I have sought advice from friends, colleagues, family, my boyriend, and have done some real soul-searching, and in the end, I just want to make sure my life has purpose, and has impact on lives of others. Whether that is in the classroom, or out, I want to make sure I make a difference.
I don't want to jump in, before I am ready, but I also do not want to miss an opportunity.
Right now, I am worrying ahead of time, so one step at a time.
But as I look ahead to the next six months, there is going to be a lot of changes, no matter what, but I am the happiest and most secure I have been in my life.
I honestly did not know what true happiness, joy, contentment, security felt like until I met the man of my dreams.
Not that I need man to survive, I don't. But he respects my independence, allows me to have my own life, yet compliments my life in such a way that I am a better person around him. I am more calm in other areas of my life. I have the support of such great friends and family. This man by my side has just fit in perfectly with all the people in my life, it is like he has been around me for years. He just gets me. All my insecurities, all my flaws, all my doubts, he just accepts.
His constant priority is whether or not I am happy, and my constant priority is making sure he is happy. We care so much about each other. The chemistry is undeniable.
He has faced adversity, as have I. Our lives have not been perfect sunshine and rainbows, and he does not expect that.
I love his friends and family.
I love how loyal he is.
I love how almost 7 months later, I still get butterflies when I see him.
It's that beautiful balance of love, space, challenge, and true loyalty to each other.
I love dating him. I love that he gets such joy out of surprising me. I love his sweet gifts.
I love that he leaves coffee out for me in the morning so it is ready when I wake up.
I love that he kisses me goodbye each morning before he goes to work.
I love that since January we have talked everyday and never run out of things to talk about.
I love that no one can make me laugh as hard as him.
I love who I am when I with him, and how it has made me realize how wrong everyone else was before him.
As I head to the gym this morning, I feel...well...hopeful..excited...filled with anticipation. As the last few weeks of summer come to a close, I can confidently say this has been the best summer of my life. I really cannot wait for what is ahead.
Feeling blessed, grateful, healthy, and ready for whatever comes my way.
New opportunities on the horizon.
Despite all the growth, despite all the life experience, I still fear jumping into the unknown.
Having said that, I am blessed with a wonderful man that has provided me with many different perspectives, scenarios, and endless support no matter what decision I make.
He thinks about the future, but understands the ties to my past.
Sometimes the best parts of your life, come from taking a huge risk, a huge chance, trusting in the opportunities that come your way.
I have sought advice from friends, colleagues, family, my boyriend, and have done some real soul-searching, and in the end, I just want to make sure my life has purpose, and has impact on lives of others. Whether that is in the classroom, or out, I want to make sure I make a difference.
I don't want to jump in, before I am ready, but I also do not want to miss an opportunity.
Right now, I am worrying ahead of time, so one step at a time.
But as I look ahead to the next six months, there is going to be a lot of changes, no matter what, but I am the happiest and most secure I have been in my life.
I honestly did not know what true happiness, joy, contentment, security felt like until I met the man of my dreams.
Not that I need man to survive, I don't. But he respects my independence, allows me to have my own life, yet compliments my life in such a way that I am a better person around him. I am more calm in other areas of my life. I have the support of such great friends and family. This man by my side has just fit in perfectly with all the people in my life, it is like he has been around me for years. He just gets me. All my insecurities, all my flaws, all my doubts, he just accepts.
His constant priority is whether or not I am happy, and my constant priority is making sure he is happy. We care so much about each other. The chemistry is undeniable.
He has faced adversity, as have I. Our lives have not been perfect sunshine and rainbows, and he does not expect that.
I love his friends and family.
I love how loyal he is.
I love how almost 7 months later, I still get butterflies when I see him.
It's that beautiful balance of love, space, challenge, and true loyalty to each other.
I love dating him. I love that he gets such joy out of surprising me. I love his sweet gifts.
I love that he leaves coffee out for me in the morning so it is ready when I wake up.
I love that he kisses me goodbye each morning before he goes to work.
I love that since January we have talked everyday and never run out of things to talk about.
I love that no one can make me laugh as hard as him.
I love who I am when I with him, and how it has made me realize how wrong everyone else was before him.
As I head to the gym this morning, I feel...well...hopeful..excited...filled with anticipation. As the last few weeks of summer come to a close, I can confidently say this has been the best summer of my life. I really cannot wait for what is ahead.
Feeling blessed, grateful, healthy, and ready for whatever comes my way.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Rumors
So it was brought to my attention that there are rumors going on about me and my past relationships and what may or may not have happened. I have ONE thing to say:
FUCK YOU. (and very loud chuckle).
I have never said one bad thing, never spread one rumor, just the honest truth. It is shame what lengths others (not to mention ADULT others!) will go just to save face. Such a damn shame. It is my experience that people make up stories when they try to hide the truth or make themselves look better. Their issue though, certainly not mine.
I am basking in the glow of such happiness and celebrating 6 beautiful months of the most healthy, beautiful relationship I could ever ask for. I have no regrets. I am no longer a prisoner in misery, but rather, freely happy, sharing my life with someone that accepts all of me, and opens his heart to hear the GOOD AND THE BAD, no matter what the consequences. There are no need for secrets, because our hearts are open to each other for whatever life throws our way. Another weekend away with my man and my confidence and love continues to soar.
I dare you to try and stop me from living my life of happiness...my man and I are armed with an abundance of love and happiness... and that, my friends, is enough to take ANYONE down who might come try to run us down:)
FUCK YOU. (and very loud chuckle).
I have never said one bad thing, never spread one rumor, just the honest truth. It is shame what lengths others (not to mention ADULT others!) will go just to save face. Such a damn shame. It is my experience that people make up stories when they try to hide the truth or make themselves look better. Their issue though, certainly not mine.
I am basking in the glow of such happiness and celebrating 6 beautiful months of the most healthy, beautiful relationship I could ever ask for. I have no regrets. I am no longer a prisoner in misery, but rather, freely happy, sharing my life with someone that accepts all of me, and opens his heart to hear the GOOD AND THE BAD, no matter what the consequences. There are no need for secrets, because our hearts are open to each other for whatever life throws our way. Another weekend away with my man and my confidence and love continues to soar.
I dare you to try and stop me from living my life of happiness...my man and I are armed with an abundance of love and happiness... and that, my friends, is enough to take ANYONE down who might come try to run us down:)
Sunday, July 14, 2013
BURSTING
I am so bursting in LOVE.
God, I love this feeling.
I felt my grandma's presence today, buying owl art at the art fair, and seeing her shine down through the clouds, almost as if telling me she sees me and my man and approves. The sun slipped through the clouds as if she were looking right at me, taking in my joy, and relishing in my happiness.
Oh, how very far I have come.
Confidence radiates tonight.
How my swerving, strangled, chaotic, path has led me right where I was supposed to be.
I guess this is how you come to believe in faith or maybe even a bit of fate.
My heart is so filled with laughter and comfort, I can settle into sleep in the most intimate of ways..knowing I am loved so completely, so flawlessly, so understood, with my best friend and the love of my heart beside me.
Goodnight.
God, I love this feeling.
I felt my grandma's presence today, buying owl art at the art fair, and seeing her shine down through the clouds, almost as if telling me she sees me and my man and approves. The sun slipped through the clouds as if she were looking right at me, taking in my joy, and relishing in my happiness.
Oh, how very far I have come.
Confidence radiates tonight.
How my swerving, strangled, chaotic, path has led me right where I was supposed to be.
I guess this is how you come to believe in faith or maybe even a bit of fate.
My heart is so filled with laughter and comfort, I can settle into sleep in the most intimate of ways..knowing I am loved so completely, so flawlessly, so understood, with my best friend and the love of my heart beside me.
Goodnight.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
The Weekend
Another weekend of love...
Dinner with my love tonight for Wednesday date night.
Tigers game with our "couple" friends Friday night and fireworks.
Art in the Park.
Family dinner with a new family that I have come to love:)
I continue to be inspired by the man by my side. He accepts that life is not all sunshine and rainbows, accepts the imperfections, and realizes that life is more than just new houses, travel, work and vacation. I am so attracted to this well established, loving, charming, romantic, funny man that has charmed his way into the lives of my family and friends. They have taken to him and expressed to me how we so naturally fit together. More so than anyone else before. We were meant to be. Music to my ears. He literally puts a smile on my face every single day. I am stress-free and loving, compassionate and so fully happy when I am with him. I look forward to seeing him each time we get together. It is just this visceral feeling that cannot really be described in words, but rather felt in your heart, slowly healing deep old wounds, making room for a deep, long future together.
Health is on track. Workouts are great. Spending time with my favorite twins, old teachers, and great friends. Lazy days, and vacation days, busy days, and date night weekends. Trips to East Lansing and Ann Arbor to visit each other's college campuses and sharing our history with each other. This has been the most wonderful summer, and it is not even half over!
Dinner with my love tonight for Wednesday date night.
Tigers game with our "couple" friends Friday night and fireworks.
Art in the Park.
Family dinner with a new family that I have come to love:)
I continue to be inspired by the man by my side. He accepts that life is not all sunshine and rainbows, accepts the imperfections, and realizes that life is more than just new houses, travel, work and vacation. I am so attracted to this well established, loving, charming, romantic, funny man that has charmed his way into the lives of my family and friends. They have taken to him and expressed to me how we so naturally fit together. More so than anyone else before. We were meant to be. Music to my ears. He literally puts a smile on my face every single day. I am stress-free and loving, compassionate and so fully happy when I am with him. I look forward to seeing him each time we get together. It is just this visceral feeling that cannot really be described in words, but rather felt in your heart, slowly healing deep old wounds, making room for a deep, long future together.
Health is on track. Workouts are great. Spending time with my favorite twins, old teachers, and great friends. Lazy days, and vacation days, busy days, and date night weekends. Trips to East Lansing and Ann Arbor to visit each other's college campuses and sharing our history with each other. This has been the most wonderful summer, and it is not even half over!
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Gratitude
Sometimes grief hits you harder on some days vs. others.
And since my gramma died, my family has not agreed on how to handle papa.
True personalities have shown, and who self-centered, and who is about family really comes out.
It is not really that they care any less or love any less, but rather, they just have a self-centered personality and don't think of other's as they should. They won't change and it is not worth an ulcer trying to change them.
Tonight, despite the thunderstorm warnings and terrible weather, my brother and I took my papa to Sizzling Sticks, his first time a Mongolian BBQ time place. It was such quality time. He was so adorable, a bit overwhelmed, but did great, and really enjoyed. I literally felt my grandma smiling down. I missed her. I miss her. But I know the sun came out because she smiled on us taking care of her husband of 60 years.
My heart feels full.
And since my gramma died, my family has not agreed on how to handle papa.
True personalities have shown, and who self-centered, and who is about family really comes out.
It is not really that they care any less or love any less, but rather, they just have a self-centered personality and don't think of other's as they should. They won't change and it is not worth an ulcer trying to change them.
Tonight, despite the thunderstorm warnings and terrible weather, my brother and I took my papa to Sizzling Sticks, his first time a Mongolian BBQ time place. It was such quality time. He was so adorable, a bit overwhelmed, but did great, and really enjoyed. I literally felt my grandma smiling down. I missed her. I miss her. But I know the sun came out because she smiled on us taking care of her husband of 60 years.
My heart feels full.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
A Love Rooted In Friendship
“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last -
are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one
day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the
night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person
who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever
imagine yourself with.”
-Gillian Anderson
I woke up for 4 days in Chicago next to a man, who is my best friend, but also the man I have loved more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. This life long friend, who has embraced me, and in turn, I have fallen in love. The chemistry was there immediately, the love, took a bit longer, I wanted to make sure the risk was worth it. I spent 4 beautiful days eating delish food in the best restaurants, going to musicals and comedies (with a surprise visit from Tom Hanks!), sitting at bars watching sports, people watching, and each and every moment being taken care of by the best man I know. I can sit and talk with him for hours, and he can do the same for me. Our quirks fit together, just as our personalities compliment each other. He makes me feel better than I have ever felt about myself. Pretty, funny, worth something. His independence and establishment in his personal and professional life shines, he is stable, and reaffirms daily that he won't run. I am just enjoying dating him, loving him, spending any time I can with him.
I am asked constantly and often ask myself, haven't you felt his way before? Haven't you loved before? Haven't you felt like good things come to those who wait before? The answer to all of these questions is yes. But what is different now, is that I have something to compare it to. It is not the big feelings, but more the every day real-life feelings. Everyone can fall in love when you are taken on vacations, bought new houses, when everything is exciting and new. But can you stay in love when things become mundane? When conflict arises? What difference of opinions come up? Can you be the couple to raise a family? To compromise your job and travel for the love of a wife and family? Can you handle lifes ups and downs? I never was able to answer these questions before, in fact, the few that I could answer were answered with a NO. But this time around, with this man, all the questions are answered with a yes. I can see it just in the short time we have been together, (which feels like much longer). I can see it in his interactions with my family and friends, I can see it when I cry to him, I can feel it when I discuss the future with him. Life isn't always rainbows and sunshine, vacations and excitement, it is about stability and life events, family, and taking care of a family, encouraging each other's goals, and having maturity when it comes to goals that differ from our own.
I wish the past didn't haunt me, I wish that I could go into this wonderful relationship without a past to make me question the present, but the truth is, every relationship and every experience is different, my man, my present moment is what I must focus on. If we let the past, tarnish the "now", we ruin the enjoyment of the moment. We ruin the potential of a lasting relationship. Life is about risks and change and embracing the moment; gratitude for what you have. And while the risks and change are not something I like or gravitate towards naturally, I am learning to embrace it because I know what joy it brings.
A trust friend and professional told me that my past relationship was the best mistake I ever made. She couldn't have said it better. My past relationship(s )were wonderful mistakes, that lead me to the man I love. I wouldn't understand what I want, what I need, what I deserve or the maturity and character I need from a man, if I hadn't had my past relationship. So, instead of being bitter, angry, and hurt, I choose instead to be thankful that I didn't end up with cowardly, immature, men who never would have made me happy in the long run.
So while I enter month 5 with this wonderful man by my side, our first vacation behind us, and falling into a summer of love, fitness, friends and family, I continue to float on cloud 9, realizing, finally, that I SO deserve to be happy.
-Gillian Anderson
I woke up for 4 days in Chicago next to a man, who is my best friend, but also the man I have loved more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. This life long friend, who has embraced me, and in turn, I have fallen in love. The chemistry was there immediately, the love, took a bit longer, I wanted to make sure the risk was worth it. I spent 4 beautiful days eating delish food in the best restaurants, going to musicals and comedies (with a surprise visit from Tom Hanks!), sitting at bars watching sports, people watching, and each and every moment being taken care of by the best man I know. I can sit and talk with him for hours, and he can do the same for me. Our quirks fit together, just as our personalities compliment each other. He makes me feel better than I have ever felt about myself. Pretty, funny, worth something. His independence and establishment in his personal and professional life shines, he is stable, and reaffirms daily that he won't run. I am just enjoying dating him, loving him, spending any time I can with him.
I am asked constantly and often ask myself, haven't you felt his way before? Haven't you loved before? Haven't you felt like good things come to those who wait before? The answer to all of these questions is yes. But what is different now, is that I have something to compare it to. It is not the big feelings, but more the every day real-life feelings. Everyone can fall in love when you are taken on vacations, bought new houses, when everything is exciting and new. But can you stay in love when things become mundane? When conflict arises? What difference of opinions come up? Can you be the couple to raise a family? To compromise your job and travel for the love of a wife and family? Can you handle lifes ups and downs? I never was able to answer these questions before, in fact, the few that I could answer were answered with a NO. But this time around, with this man, all the questions are answered with a yes. I can see it just in the short time we have been together, (which feels like much longer). I can see it in his interactions with my family and friends, I can see it when I cry to him, I can feel it when I discuss the future with him. Life isn't always rainbows and sunshine, vacations and excitement, it is about stability and life events, family, and taking care of a family, encouraging each other's goals, and having maturity when it comes to goals that differ from our own.
I wish the past didn't haunt me, I wish that I could go into this wonderful relationship without a past to make me question the present, but the truth is, every relationship and every experience is different, my man, my present moment is what I must focus on. If we let the past, tarnish the "now", we ruin the enjoyment of the moment. We ruin the potential of a lasting relationship. Life is about risks and change and embracing the moment; gratitude for what you have. And while the risks and change are not something I like or gravitate towards naturally, I am learning to embrace it because I know what joy it brings.
A trust friend and professional told me that my past relationship was the best mistake I ever made. She couldn't have said it better. My past relationship(s )were wonderful mistakes, that lead me to the man I love. I wouldn't understand what I want, what I need, what I deserve or the maturity and character I need from a man, if I hadn't had my past relationship. So, instead of being bitter, angry, and hurt, I choose instead to be thankful that I didn't end up with cowardly, immature, men who never would have made me happy in the long run.
So while I enter month 5 with this wonderful man by my side, our first vacation behind us, and falling into a summer of love, fitness, friends and family, I continue to float on cloud 9, realizing, finally, that I SO deserve to be happy.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Summer Vacay 2013
School's Out For the Summer.
I have fallen in love with teaching again with my amazing group of kids this year.
Surgery is postponed.
Grad school free summer.
2 vacations with my man.
BFF time.
Me time.
Gym time.
Read time.
I am so bursting with happiness and so in love with life!
This is my summer...to capture the best time of life, with the love of my life, with friends and family around to support me.
Worry less. Live more.
I am ok. Nothing has to be perfect.
Life moves on.
What a difference a year makes.
What big, important lessons have I learned.
Time does heal.
Better people do enter your life.
Feelings will get hurt.
But better feelings will replace them.
Find a new perspective to view your struggles.
Laugh.
Let go of what you simply cannot change; you cannot change people's priorities or choices.
Love. Fall deep deep in love. It is the most risky, but the most rewarding feeling in the world.
I am deeply in love, deeply happy, and deeply excited for summer vacay 2013~
I have fallen in love with teaching again with my amazing group of kids this year.
Surgery is postponed.
Grad school free summer.
2 vacations with my man.
BFF time.
Me time.
Gym time.
Read time.
I am so bursting with happiness and so in love with life!
This is my summer...to capture the best time of life, with the love of my life, with friends and family around to support me.
Worry less. Live more.
I am ok. Nothing has to be perfect.
Life moves on.
What a difference a year makes.
What big, important lessons have I learned.
Time does heal.
Better people do enter your life.
Feelings will get hurt.
But better feelings will replace them.
Find a new perspective to view your struggles.
Laugh.
Let go of what you simply cannot change; you cannot change people's priorities or choices.
Love. Fall deep deep in love. It is the most risky, but the most rewarding feeling in the world.
I am deeply in love, deeply happy, and deeply excited for summer vacay 2013~
Monday, May 27, 2013
Memorial Day Weekend, Summer, and Surgery
With 13.5 days left of work, and a big decision of whether or not I should have my hip surgery, this long memorial weekend was a welcomed break from reality.
Friday afternoon was filled with a nice long nap and capped off with Painting With a Twist for girls night out. I found my inner-painter. And loads of wine. And it was a great way to start off the weekend. Check out my very impressive artwork:) I think I will keep my day job, but for a first time painting it was very fun.
The rest of the weekend was spent with my family and my wonderful boyfriend's family, who have opened their arms, hearts and home to me. Funny, filled with kids and family, long-happy marriages, and I fit right in! And the boyfriend fit right into my family as well. We feel like we have been each other's lives forever, our families fit together perfectly, and we love spending time together. The boyfriend's 98 year old grandpa, with no filter mind you, asked why we weren't married yet! Lol. That sure got the families going. But it sure didn't scare my man off. What a relief. We both know we are getting married, it is this unspoken feeling of love, commitment, laughter, protection, family, security, and fate.....And it is THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD.
From movies, to playing rock band, walking in downtown Royal Oak, Plymouth and Birmingham, playing with our cousins and nieces and nephews, watching Boy Meets World Together, hanging out with our siblings and meeting each other's friends. Watching sports games together (And for a change from my past relationships, he actually CARES and UNDERSTANDS what is going on in the game!) My brother and my man get along famously, which is so important to me.
This weekend was spent sleeping in, going out to brunch with each other, movies, dinners with friends, and games, hours of time with just "us." Laughing at each other and talking about growing up. Filling in each other on our lives, our histories, and the road that lead us to each other.
He is calm, and has great perspective. He supports every decision. He has really given me good advice about my surgery, but ultimately still respects my decision to be independent and make my own decisions. He is confident, and self-assured, independent and funny, understands a dry sense of humor, and isn't afraid of anyone. He is close to, yet independent from his family, he has the most generous and kind heart, he takes care of me, and each morning, each time I get ready to see him, I still get butterflies because I just have so much love for this wonderful man.
Sure I have had struggles and will continue to have struggles. I obsess about my weight and hair. But I try to focus on the now. The present. What is ahead of me. And how despite how many times life has knocked me down, it has also done a lot of good and surrounded me with wonderful people.13.5 days until a wonderful summer ahead, filled with vacations, pool time, lots of boyfriend time, friend time, and realizing how much better my life has become in the last year. If I only knew a year ago, what I know now, but I guess that is what time teaches us. Lessons. Appreciation. And Ultimately, life paves the path we were supposed to be, the one paved with fate, that lead me into the life I always wanted, into the arms of the man I was meant to spend my life with.
Friday afternoon was filled with a nice long nap and capped off with Painting With a Twist for girls night out. I found my inner-painter. And loads of wine. And it was a great way to start off the weekend. Check out my very impressive artwork:) I think I will keep my day job, but for a first time painting it was very fun.
The rest of the weekend was spent with my family and my wonderful boyfriend's family, who have opened their arms, hearts and home to me. Funny, filled with kids and family, long-happy marriages, and I fit right in! And the boyfriend fit right into my family as well. We feel like we have been each other's lives forever, our families fit together perfectly, and we love spending time together. The boyfriend's 98 year old grandpa, with no filter mind you, asked why we weren't married yet! Lol. That sure got the families going. But it sure didn't scare my man off. What a relief. We both know we are getting married, it is this unspoken feeling of love, commitment, laughter, protection, family, security, and fate.....And it is THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD.
From movies, to playing rock band, walking in downtown Royal Oak, Plymouth and Birmingham, playing with our cousins and nieces and nephews, watching Boy Meets World Together, hanging out with our siblings and meeting each other's friends. Watching sports games together (And for a change from my past relationships, he actually CARES and UNDERSTANDS what is going on in the game!) My brother and my man get along famously, which is so important to me.
This weekend was spent sleeping in, going out to brunch with each other, movies, dinners with friends, and games, hours of time with just "us." Laughing at each other and talking about growing up. Filling in each other on our lives, our histories, and the road that lead us to each other.
He is calm, and has great perspective. He supports every decision. He has really given me good advice about my surgery, but ultimately still respects my decision to be independent and make my own decisions. He is confident, and self-assured, independent and funny, understands a dry sense of humor, and isn't afraid of anyone. He is close to, yet independent from his family, he has the most generous and kind heart, he takes care of me, and each morning, each time I get ready to see him, I still get butterflies because I just have so much love for this wonderful man.
Sure I have had struggles and will continue to have struggles. I obsess about my weight and hair. But I try to focus on the now. The present. What is ahead of me. And how despite how many times life has knocked me down, it has also done a lot of good and surrounded me with wonderful people.13.5 days until a wonderful summer ahead, filled with vacations, pool time, lots of boyfriend time, friend time, and realizing how much better my life has become in the last year. If I only knew a year ago, what I know now, but I guess that is what time teaches us. Lessons. Appreciation. And Ultimately, life paves the path we were supposed to be, the one paved with fate, that lead me into the life I always wanted, into the arms of the man I was meant to spend my life with.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
I never thought....
Being this happy was even possible. I have found my soul mate. Pure fate has taken over, and I am enjoying each moment of this unbelievable thrilling ride to my future:)
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The Power of Connection
Ever realize the power of connection?
When timing and space and people just align, and suddenly you find yourself in front of the most amazing person.
The power of connection.
I have felt it many times in my life. Through friends, and relationships
With friends, it is a different kind of connection, I have always believed that certain people come into your life at a certain time, for a certain reason.
As I grow older, I realize just how true this is.
You need certain people during different times of your life, and you realize, often much later, that you don't need some of them forever. They were just meant for that specific time.
But then you come across someone who you realize may have been placed into your life for a very certain reason: a reason that will last forever. Comfort, maturity, security, education, romance, sarcasm, playful, family, love. All of your life you have been waiting for this connection. All the hurt, suffering, and pain. All the good, success, and hope. It all comes together in this one connection between a man and a woman, where neither is perfect, but they are perfect for each other. They promise to always run towards each other, never away. They take in your past, and rather than criticize, they make friendly jokes of what could of been...just to see your sadness turn to happiness for a brief moment. And they are thankful that you didn't take that path, for if you did, you would have never found each other.
I am so blessed to have found what I believe to be my life-long connection. It just makes everything else, my whole life, my whole past, my whole future, make sense.
Enjoying each moment of this surreal connection that found its way to me. A smidgen of anxiety, as I wonder what I have done to deserve this and will it be taken away. But alas. No rush. Just small sweet moments. Laughter. And True And Complete Happiness.
When timing and space and people just align, and suddenly you find yourself in front of the most amazing person.
The power of connection.
I have felt it many times in my life. Through friends, and relationships
With friends, it is a different kind of connection, I have always believed that certain people come into your life at a certain time, for a certain reason.
As I grow older, I realize just how true this is.
You need certain people during different times of your life, and you realize, often much later, that you don't need some of them forever. They were just meant for that specific time.
But then you come across someone who you realize may have been placed into your life for a very certain reason: a reason that will last forever. Comfort, maturity, security, education, romance, sarcasm, playful, family, love. All of your life you have been waiting for this connection. All the hurt, suffering, and pain. All the good, success, and hope. It all comes together in this one connection between a man and a woman, where neither is perfect, but they are perfect for each other. They promise to always run towards each other, never away. They take in your past, and rather than criticize, they make friendly jokes of what could of been...just to see your sadness turn to happiness for a brief moment. And they are thankful that you didn't take that path, for if you did, you would have never found each other.
I am so blessed to have found what I believe to be my life-long connection. It just makes everything else, my whole life, my whole past, my whole future, make sense.
Enjoying each moment of this surreal connection that found its way to me. A smidgen of anxiety, as I wonder what I have done to deserve this and will it be taken away. But alas. No rush. Just small sweet moments. Laughter. And True And Complete Happiness.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
He's The One
He's the one.
I found him.
It's the feeling I have been waiting for my whole life.
I feel loved, respected, and cared for.
We both want the future.
We will take it slowly. Of course.
Learn from our past mistakes, understand life's lessons, and move forward.
Never, before, have I ever had a connection this strong with another person.
Cautiously, slowly, a bit of a risk, a bit of nervousness, but with insurmountable excitement I do believe I have found what I have been looking for my entire life.
I will remember this day and this feeling for a long time.
I found him.
It's the feeling I have been waiting for my whole life.
I feel loved, respected, and cared for.
We both want the future.
We will take it slowly. Of course.
Learn from our past mistakes, understand life's lessons, and move forward.
Never, before, have I ever had a connection this strong with another person.
Cautiously, slowly, a bit of a risk, a bit of nervousness, but with insurmountable excitement I do believe I have found what I have been looking for my entire life.
I will remember this day and this feeling for a long time.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Simpleness
Simple. Still. Content.
Learning to just be okay with who I am, what I want, and what I have.
Taking time for myself.
Not taking time away from my life to worry about the things I cannot change or comparing myself to others.
I have regrets, sure. But you cannot turn back time
And in time, I realize most things do happen for a reason.
Which brings me to this lazy, wonderful Sunday after an amazing weekend with my friends and boyfriend.
I feel so happy with the people around me. I have never felt so comfortable with another man by my side. Since date one, things have just been comfortable, just clicked. No awkwardness. Total acceptance. Wonderful companionship. Joking. Laughing. Comfort. Breaking down the walls I put up from being hurt in the past. Understanding why I made the decisions I made. Clarity. I have learned so much about myself, about accepting myself, which makes it so much easier to be in a relationship. It is so, very early, but my friends adore my new man, I adore him, and I just cannot wait to spend time with him. It is just a connection that I have never felt before, ever. It makes me giddy, butterflies, and hopeful.
Spring break is coming up, and another school year will come to an end. This summer will bring many changes, no master's classes, a new job, and travels with a new boy. Just need this snow to go away, and the new season and new changes will be a welcomed addition to my wonderful life:)
One day at a time. Simple. Still. Enjoy.
Learning to just be okay with who I am, what I want, and what I have.
Taking time for myself.
Not taking time away from my life to worry about the things I cannot change or comparing myself to others.
I have regrets, sure. But you cannot turn back time
And in time, I realize most things do happen for a reason.
Which brings me to this lazy, wonderful Sunday after an amazing weekend with my friends and boyfriend.
I feel so happy with the people around me. I have never felt so comfortable with another man by my side. Since date one, things have just been comfortable, just clicked. No awkwardness. Total acceptance. Wonderful companionship. Joking. Laughing. Comfort. Breaking down the walls I put up from being hurt in the past. Understanding why I made the decisions I made. Clarity. I have learned so much about myself, about accepting myself, which makes it so much easier to be in a relationship. It is so, very early, but my friends adore my new man, I adore him, and I just cannot wait to spend time with him. It is just a connection that I have never felt before, ever. It makes me giddy, butterflies, and hopeful.
Spring break is coming up, and another school year will come to an end. This summer will bring many changes, no master's classes, a new job, and travels with a new boy. Just need this snow to go away, and the new season and new changes will be a welcomed addition to my wonderful life:)
One day at a time. Simple. Still. Enjoy.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Past My Bedtime
I am up past my bedtime on a school night.
All for a boy.
That I really like.
He just left.
A mid-week date night.
Deeelish Dinner.
So much laughter.
How have we not met before this time?
Oh, timing.
He is WONDERFUL.
Charming.
Funny.
So smart.
So connected.
Spent 3 hours just talking about life.
That is true companionship.
I am so happy that the lack of sleep I will get before my alarm comes on tomorrow doesn't even phase me.
All for a boy.
That I really like.
He just left.
A mid-week date night.
Deeelish Dinner.
So much laughter.
How have we not met before this time?
Oh, timing.
He is WONDERFUL.
Charming.
Funny.
So smart.
So connected.
Spent 3 hours just talking about life.
That is true companionship.
I am so happy that the lack of sleep I will get before my alarm comes on tomorrow doesn't even phase me.
Friday, March 1, 2013
This GIRL is ON FIRE
I have a good handle on how to manage my job. I focus on my awesome kids, and look forward to my future career that I hope to start this summer:)
I love my place. My home. My own space. No obsessions. Decorated perfectly to fit me. My life. My vision.
I am blessed with a great grouping of friends who each play a very particular role in my life, each is there, at different times, playing a different, yet equally important role.
I walk in April at Eastern Michigan University with my Master's in both School and Community Mental Health counseling. I am only 27. Next up....my doctorate!
I am confident of my health, both physically and mentally, and understand that ups and downs are normal. It is a matter of using all of the supportive resources around me. And supportive people that understand, and stay.
Lastly, I love being in relationships. I love the security of being with a man that makes me feel so good about myself, my life, my future. I have found someone that does all of this. I look forward to seeing him everytime we are together. It seems like we have known each other for so long. Who knows what the future holds, but for now...I am enjoying EACH MOMENT!
This girl, my friends, IS ON FIRE!
I love my place. My home. My own space. No obsessions. Decorated perfectly to fit me. My life. My vision.
I am blessed with a great grouping of friends who each play a very particular role in my life, each is there, at different times, playing a different, yet equally important role.
I walk in April at Eastern Michigan University with my Master's in both School and Community Mental Health counseling. I am only 27. Next up....my doctorate!
I am confident of my health, both physically and mentally, and understand that ups and downs are normal. It is a matter of using all of the supportive resources around me. And supportive people that understand, and stay.
Lastly, I love being in relationships. I love the security of being with a man that makes me feel so good about myself, my life, my future. I have found someone that does all of this. I look forward to seeing him everytime we are together. It seems like we have known each other for so long. Who knows what the future holds, but for now...I am enjoying EACH MOMENT!
This girl, my friends, IS ON FIRE!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Renewal
Hawaii was amazing. Sun. Great friends. Beautiful environment. Family. Beaches. Water. Just gorgeous. I cannot wait to make my scrap book. It was one of the best week of my life. Renewal. Stress free. Spending time with people who mean the most to me.
And through this renewal, gorgeous scenery, and perfect vacation brought me home to fresh new look on life. It has brought me back to a new relationship that I am so excited about. It has brought me home to realize my confidence. It has brought me the realization that I have no time for people who don't have time for me, or need to look at their calendar to schedule me in. I am sensitive, sometimes to a fault, but I care very much about my relationships, friendships, and priorities. Everyone has different priorities and spends their time in the way they choose. I have always let jealously get in the way of my relationships, no longer. I make time for those who make time for me, and don't go out of my way for those who don't. I have ruined relationships and have been hurt very badly when I care too much about other's choices. I live my life for me and those who are closest to me and make time for me. And if that isn't confidence, I don't know what is.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Hawaii and Happiness
Tomorrow morning I am off to Hawaii for my best friend's wedding, flying down with my other best friend
Valentines day was so so special. I got flowers sent to work. No one has ever done that for me before. I love surprises. And I love how my whole school, teachers and students, were envious:) I went out to a beautifully romantic dinner to cap off the wonderful day.
These past two weeks have provided so much clarity for me. So much peace, happiness, self-assurance. I just hope it doesn't get taken away. I am nervous, but optimistic. Cautious but beaming with happiness. I love feeling connection.
I am going on this trip with my head held high. A gift to myself to spend time with friends, in wonderful weather, celebrating a wonderful occasion. No vacation in almost 3 years. It is a true gift to myself. A gift for finishing my Master's Degree, being strong throughout the past year, entering and exiting different relationships, and finally finding a man, with good, deep, promising potential. A man that I can spend hours talking to, that I look forward to seeing each time we meet, that makes me laugh, that is educated, and family oriented, funny, and kind, romantic, and so smart. I have not had this feeling before. Time will tell. But it feels good.
I feel confident. I feel that my relationship with my family is the safest and best it has been in a long time.
I have committed to a healthier lifestyle, one step at a time, slowly accepting myself and continuing to learn about myself.
Here's to a great trip, with the best of friends, coming home to a wonderful life!
Valentines day was so so special. I got flowers sent to work. No one has ever done that for me before. I love surprises. And I love how my whole school, teachers and students, were envious:) I went out to a beautifully romantic dinner to cap off the wonderful day.
I am going on this trip with my head held high. A gift to myself to spend time with friends, in wonderful weather, celebrating a wonderful occasion. No vacation in almost 3 years. It is a true gift to myself. A gift for finishing my Master's Degree, being strong throughout the past year, entering and exiting different relationships, and finally finding a man, with good, deep, promising potential. A man that I can spend hours talking to, that I look forward to seeing each time we meet, that makes me laugh, that is educated, and family oriented, funny, and kind, romantic, and so smart. I have not had this feeling before. Time will tell. But it feels good.
I feel confident. I feel that my relationship with my family is the safest and best it has been in a long time.
I have committed to a healthier lifestyle, one step at a time, slowly accepting myself and continuing to learn about myself.
Here's to a great trip, with the best of friends, coming home to a wonderful life!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
A Beautiful Journey
My life, thus far, has been a crazy, but beautiful journey.
What I know so far is that it is ok to be emotional; it does not mean I am broken.
It is ok to let others in; they won't all run away; the good ones always stay.
My sense of humor is one of my best qualities; I value laughter in others, and making others laugh.
I am loyal, honest, sincere; and I expect the same from my relationships.
I have different types of relationships and friendships in my life; they all play an integral part.
Fighting with my family does not mean I don't love them; it just means I am trying to find myself as a individual in the midst of a family unit.
I love learning, and growing, and learning about myself; it is not always easy, but it has proven to be worth it.
People have come into and out of my life; and have taught me very specific lessons.
My heart has been broken; but that also means I taken the risk to love deeply.
I am surrounded by beautiful relationships, wonderful friendships, and fantastic memories; I hold them close.
And recently, I have found a new connection to a man, that while very, very early, it is the kind of connection that puts butterflies in your stomach. The kind of connection that keeps you looking forward to your next conversation, the next time you can see each other. The kind of person that with each conversation you find more and more in common with each other. The kind of man that is a professional, family oriented, funny, smart, caring, supportive, and to know all this, after only a short time, it's just a gut feeling...a gut feeling of happiness, contentment, of excitement for possibility.
And with that, I anxiously await Friday night:)
What I know so far is that it is ok to be emotional; it does not mean I am broken.
It is ok to let others in; they won't all run away; the good ones always stay.
My sense of humor is one of my best qualities; I value laughter in others, and making others laugh.
I am loyal, honest, sincere; and I expect the same from my relationships.
I have different types of relationships and friendships in my life; they all play an integral part.
Fighting with my family does not mean I don't love them; it just means I am trying to find myself as a individual in the midst of a family unit.
I love learning, and growing, and learning about myself; it is not always easy, but it has proven to be worth it.
People have come into and out of my life; and have taught me very specific lessons.
My heart has been broken; but that also means I taken the risk to love deeply.
I am surrounded by beautiful relationships, wonderful friendships, and fantastic memories; I hold them close.
And recently, I have found a new connection to a man, that while very, very early, it is the kind of connection that puts butterflies in your stomach. The kind of connection that keeps you looking forward to your next conversation, the next time you can see each other. The kind of person that with each conversation you find more and more in common with each other. The kind of man that is a professional, family oriented, funny, smart, caring, supportive, and to know all this, after only a short time, it's just a gut feeling...a gut feeling of happiness, contentment, of excitement for possibility.
And with that, I anxiously await Friday night:)
Thursday, January 24, 2013
My thoughts for this weekend
I was in a on again off again 2 year college relationship. I loved him. I was shy. I didn't know how to express it. I was battling a horrendous eating disorder. I was lonely. Jealous and lost.
I was in a relationship for almost 2 years. I was treated well. I loved deeply. Until the end. When I was treated horrendously, like a child, like a piece of garbage that never meant anything. I would have gotten married if he hadn't run. I would have also ended up divorced. The depressing reality of our relationship only really appeared to me after the break up. His loss. My gain. I deserve so much more than that relationship ever could have offered. Ever.
I recovered...braver, stronger, more secure than ever. Happier. Free. I found myself in a 5 month relationship of laughter, commitment, family, and a vow never to run away from me or my past. Never to take off on an airplane across the country when something went wrong, willing to stay until in the end. I learned compassion, and healing, confidence, and true love. I learned what it was like to be with a confident, loving, mature man. But I wanted something more, I wanted the feeling.
And this weekend, already, after just a few conversations, I have the feeling. I think this may be it. A gentleman. A family man. A true friend. In front of my eyes for so long. Educated, and funny, common interests and goals, compassion, and friendship, loyalty, and humility, risk-taker and sociable. I, in turn, am confident, and excited. Happy and open. After everything I have been through, my heart opens wide, I know who I am, what I want, exactly what I deserve, and I could not be more excited for the events of this weekend!
I was in a relationship for almost 2 years. I was treated well. I loved deeply. Until the end. When I was treated horrendously, like a child, like a piece of garbage that never meant anything. I would have gotten married if he hadn't run. I would have also ended up divorced. The depressing reality of our relationship only really appeared to me after the break up. His loss. My gain. I deserve so much more than that relationship ever could have offered. Ever.
I recovered...braver, stronger, more secure than ever. Happier. Free. I found myself in a 5 month relationship of laughter, commitment, family, and a vow never to run away from me or my past. Never to take off on an airplane across the country when something went wrong, willing to stay until in the end. I learned compassion, and healing, confidence, and true love. I learned what it was like to be with a confident, loving, mature man. But I wanted something more, I wanted the feeling.
And this weekend, already, after just a few conversations, I have the feeling. I think this may be it. A gentleman. A family man. A true friend. In front of my eyes for so long. Educated, and funny, common interests and goals, compassion, and friendship, loyalty, and humility, risk-taker and sociable. I, in turn, am confident, and excited. Happy and open. After everything I have been through, my heart opens wide, I know who I am, what I want, exactly what I deserve, and I could not be more excited for the events of this weekend!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
