Weekend Thoughts

A few new realizations:
1. Beyonce music makes me run significantly faster.
2. I have committed to running in my first 5k! May 31, 2009....with the support of some good friends, teachers at school, and a renewed confidence in myself, I am very excited for the training in the next few months.
3. I have realized in a strange way that my life would not be complete without 155 middle schoolers, they put me through every emotion possible, but I love the age, the stage, and I love teaching Spanish.
4. While I love my job, I also have realized that I probably will only be at this teaching gig for the next 10-15 years, as it is the most intense work I have ever done, and much harder than I imagined. And as much as I enjoy it, I know that when I am married and have kids I want to be committed to my family, and teaching, the way that I teach, giving 110%, won't be possible. Which brings me to number 5...
5. I have been accepted into Eastern's counseling program. Well stage one, I have to go on an interview in a few weeks as more of a formality, but I will start May 3rd with classes. I am extremely excited to go back to school, and learn about an entirely different career. I have realized that I love learning, and getting my Masters in something outside of what I have spent all of my undergrad learning about is really quite refreshing. I will be doing internships in youth clinics during the summer, dealing with everything from parent child relationships, eating disorders, pyschological disorders, anxiety disorders, stress management, even marital counseling.......it is something that I never thought I would have been interested in, but after going through everything I went through in college, I cannot wait to see what I have to offer in this field, after all my past experiences.
6. I am starting to go apartment hunting, and I could not be more excited, although depending on grad school, up coming surgery, and day to day living expenses, I might be in more debt that I care to admit.
7. I need goals, and I have a lot of them coming up in the next few months, I work better under pressure.
8. I am learning about Kabbalah, a branch of Judaism, but since I have mixed feelings about organized religion, it really takes a look at spirituality and how Judaism effects your day to day life, how you can use its messages in modern day, it is really interesting, and it pretty much gives a reason for everything happening, I like that. It my most recent quest into it, I found their feelings on forgiveness, it is interesting to look at things this way....

"When we forgive, we can look at the person who hurt us from a whole new angle. Maybe this person is here to show us we are not open as we thought, maybe they are here to push us to go to a new level, maybe they are removing judgment from our life.

Whatever the reason, forgiveness brings empathy, it brings understanding, and it brings us out of the inner-dialogue of blame and regret.

Today, put the scales of justice away and say "shush!" to the vengeful voice in your mind. Just forgive. Because from a kabbalistic point of view, you can never know how the Light feels unless you know forgiveness."

-----now what to do with this information...hmmm...we will see

9. I am excited to talk to all the MSU interns at the end of the week, impart my advice and sarcasm on them, it is like my dream.

10. It's really funny how life works out sometimes, how you try to change the course, but you cannot...because the course is already there laid out for you, you just don't know it, or want to accept it, but you realize that change is not easy, and you cannot force people to change. Change has to come within, but be patient, change will come, from yourself, from others, pain doesn't last forever, in fact, I suggest you feel the pain, it opens your mind and heart into something that is built into something indestructible and protected, for the next time around.

11. It's ok to change your mind, make mistakes, and see things from another perspective...no matter how much time has passed. Say sorry when you realize how things ought to have been, you'd be surprised on how much better in makes you and others feel. Selflessness, humbleness, loyalty....are never looked upon badly.

12. It is ok to be confused about what to do, don't make anyone make you feel badly about crying...Cry every day, every other day, every hour, until it feels better, sometimes it is the only thing that helps....and if people think you are overlyemotional, making a big deal out of nothing, screw 'em.

13. I am completely thankful for my friends, the ones that have been there all along, the ones that months go by and when we see each other it is as if no time has passed at all, the ones that have been friends for a year or for 10 years, the ones that call just to say hi, the ones that say thank you, and I appreciate you, the ones I worry about, the ones I love to see be successful, the ones I want to see happy, and I know the feeling is mutual. Friendships. I need them, I appreciate them, I value them, I work at them, I am loyal to them, and never take them for granted. I am thankful for them.

14. I am good at a lot of things....and now this is not boasting myself up, and no I don't love talking about it, but it is important to recognize in order to grow. I give really good advice, I am sarcastic as all hell, I have a great interest in others peoples lives and their success, even if they are not in my life anymore, I am extrememly loyal to people and very proud of that, I give my all to the people in my life, I love with all my heart, care with everything I am, sympathize for others pain, and as emotional as I can be, I know it makes me a good person with a good heart, I love laughing, movies, and pajamas.......I realized that people have changed me, and that this is a good thing, while I am scared of change, all the change I have been through has been a good thing for the most part, I now, am loving all the new people that have come into my life and have changed me, its a cool feeling knowing you are transforming into the person you know you were meant to be.....