Keepin The Faith

"Some people wear their faith like an overcoat. It only warms them, but does not benefit others at all. But some light a fire and also warm others."

Today, find little ways to bring warmth and love into someone else's life.
- Rav Mendel of Kotzk (1789 - 1859)

Faith. It's a funny thing. I have struggled with my own faith a lot over the last several years. Asking questions like why me, why did this happen, why do I deserve this, why am I always disappointed? Faith in the belief that everything happens for a reason—that is so hard for me wrap my head around, because usually the “everything” that is happening is so painful; I have no energy or patience to learn or wait for the reason to appear. I need to learn to have more patience, it’s a character flaw of mine for sure, I want everything to happen yesterday, I want past mistakes to be fixed today, I want to set a date and age to get married, I always look towards what is going to happen next, instead of enjoying the moment. I am a planner, I am a type A personality, I am a gold(http://www.truecolorstest.com/True_Colors_Test.shtml,) patience is hard for me, so is believing in something that I cannot see or reason with, and so are unanswered questions and circumstances that never should have been. I am trying to work on this.

So back to faith. When I had nothing else to hold onto, I turned to faith, I forced myself to believe that there was a plan for me, that I am here in this life for a reason and for a purpose. Each day I still try to find that purpose. And little by little I am finding my way through this life. I know that my job is a part of my purpose…I know that I was placed at my school, in the city I grew up in, teaching Spanish, and teaching an age that I already know I am having an influence on for a very particular reason. I know that I am doing good, honest, work that I am proud of, and that I truly enjoy. I wake up every morning, well most mornings, excited to go into work, excited to be with my kids. I love hearing them in the halls telling their friends what they learned in Spanish, or speaking Spanish down the halls, I always have a sense of pride like “I taught them that.” I enjoy my mentoring roles, and my after school talks with the kids too---that is especially why I went into this profession…..I want to be that go-to person when kids have nowhere else to turn. I have been left alone when I had nowhere else to turn, and I don’t want my kids to have to go through that. So yes, I have faith that moving back home, and going through job searches, and turning down jobs, and the disappointed of failed interviews---it all had a plan, it all had a purpose, to lead me towards my current job which I am absolutely enamored with. Sure, I could say it was luck and connections that I had, but I have wanted this specific teaching position for over 10 years, I think, in this case, something bigger than luck played a part.

I am slightly envious of people who have an unchartered belief in faith---they are the ones that are able to look at everything so optimistically. But, I think faith is a very double edge sword---as the passage I quoted explains, some people use their faith as an overcoat, almost as a mask, a protective covering, an excuse, used only to benefit themselves. They use it as a crutch to explain their own lives and give themselves answers to make themselves feel better about their unwanted circumstances. People go around preaching that “things always ends up just the way they should be and that everything is worth it.” And while that may be true to an extent, the problem is, people use this mentally as a way to avoid reality. A fight, an argument, a bad job interview, a bad breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, a lie, dishonesty, a broken friendship……people don’t look at WHY these things happened or spend time trying to repair the damage done, they just say that there is a reason this is happening, everything is worth it, this must be in the great, divine plan. I DO NOT agree with this. With this attitude, I think you are using faith to not help others but rather hurt others. Using faith in this way may be protecting you, but it is protecting you only because you are avoiding the issue at hand. What is life without confrontation, arguments, effort, struggle, repairing relationships that seem impossible to sew back together, working with people as a team as a partnership to overcome challenges, doing something unselfish, thinking about what other people want and changing your attitude to benefit them, looking at things from another perspective and changing your actions because you realize something you never saw before….this is how we grow in life, it is in these often awkward, upsetting, painful moments in life that faith is renewed, restored and shared with others.

There is a difference between faith and religion. I am not a huge fan of organized religion, I think it takes people in who are struggling to find meaning in their lives, and engulfs those people into a completely different world---quietly telling them how to think, feel, act, etc. You are your own person, you have your own free will, you have the choice of to be honest or to lie, God doesn’t make that choice for you. You have the choice to make up for past mistakes, mistakes help you grow, it’s how you learn…. People wait so long to receive a sign from God that it is time to make up for past regrets---that is your choice, do it when YOU feel ready.

Look, I believe in god, I have to believe that there is something bigger out there keeping my family and friends safe and healthy, something out there that gave me a second chance…BUT faith, in my opinion, differs from religion in a big way. Faith is not about thinking in a certain way or praying in a certain way or believing in a certain religious figure. Faith is not about the holidays that you celebrate, or the gifts that you are supposed to get or how often you go to church or temple— which often is linked to how good of a person you are. Faith is all about doing the right thing, finding the good in people, the belief that there is good in everyone despite past mistakes. Faith is the belief in yourself, the belief that who you were yesterday does not have to be the you that you are today. Faith is about looking at painful situations, awkward situations, and miscommunications, in a new way, earning a new perspective, and working hard to repair the damage that has been done. Faith is about understanding that you can wipe the slate clean, and start again. Faith is about apologizing, and being unselfish, and believing that with time, people in your life will work with you as a team to accomplish great things. Faith is the belief that even though you may be consistently disappointed, even though people may never live up to your expectations, it shouldn’t stop you from being a good person, being honest, doing the right thing, and continuing to have high expectations for the people in your life…because you have the faith that you don’t deserve any less. Yes, have the faith that things that are meant to be will be, but don’t leave it up to faith. For things to be meant to be, for everything to work out the way it should, you have to be an active part of that result, you have to be active part of your own life. Don’t think it’s too late, don’t be too proud, don’t think that it’s a lost cause---you would be surprised at how forgiving people can be after a simple I am sorry, after a simple glimpse that you are trying to see the best in the other person, after a simple try to see things from another’s point of view, a simple gesture of faith saying you are worth it, let’s do this together. Life is too big to go through it alone, you need people to give you faith that you aren’t in this world alone.

So today, don’t wear your faith like an overcoat of protection, using it as an excuse to avoid confrontation, using it as a way tell yourself it will all be ok, because for the person on the other end, it may not be ok. Instead, use your faith to benefit others, light a fire, as the passage suggests and use it to warm others. Today, find little ways to bring warmth and love into someone else's life. Better yet, bring love and warmth into someone's life that you argued with or have lost connection with....believe me the benefits will be priceless.