Insight Connected

Insight is a very powerful tool. 

I ended my practicum experience last night, leaving many clients I did not want to leave. 
Leaving some clients, that I was glad to leave. 
And leaving others, wondering if they would be ok in the hands of another counselor in the Fall.

What I know for certain, is that I have found my second career in counseling and therapy.
I believe in its power, healing, its hope and its new beginnings. I believe in its change. I believe in its authenticity. 

I used to think that therapy was "trying to get into someone's head." A terrifying image to say the least. I probably got it from my mother. But I no longer believe this is the case. It is truly impossible to get into someone's head and find out, on your own, their motives, reasons, excuses, feelings, behaviors or actions. I can guess. I can prompt. I can use theory and research and the therapeutic relationship to help guide the client along in their self-discovery, but no, I cannot get in their head to see what is really going on. 

I realized how similar authentic therapy is to real life. Real relationships. They say that in an authentic therapy relationship your patterns of behavior become clear and mimic real life. I agree. 

In real life, real relationships, outside of the therapist's office, we cannot get into other people's heads either. As in therapy, we must rely on honesty, openness, trust, communication, releasing fear, finding hope, believing in change. Without these essential elements, therapy fails, relationships fail. It is a waste of the therapists energy as well as the everyday person's energy to try and guess at feelings, guess at answers to those long awaited unanswered questions. There may never be honest answers, in therapy too, you  may not be able to help the person as much as you want to. 

It is a hard concept for me to come to terms with both in therapy and in my real life. I am a helper at heart. I want to help. I want to make things work. I want black and white answers. I want certainty. I want commitment. I have learned that I will not always get this in either of the environments; personal life or therapy with clients. And I have to learn to cope with this, as I have no control over the other person; client or personal relationship. I have control over my actions, reactions, thoughts, feelings, truths, behavior, and my own personal commitment, and that is it. 

Therapy with clients is all about the relationship, the partnership. Working together to find inner strength, calm, peace, happiness, wisdom, education, empowerment, change, growth, independence...and I look at this, and I realize that is what I want out of personal relationships too. Isn't that what we all want? It is NOT about getting into our partner's head and digging for reasons for their irrational behavior, feelings or actions; that is not what we want...we want a partnership...a open, truthful partnership committed to growth and independence and support...throw it some laughter and love and I do believe you have the ideal relationship. 


Therapy and personal relationships, both, give us insight. They give us insight into ourselves. Our flaws. Our strengths. Our fears. Our pasts. Our futures. It can be scary as hell. But I do believe that everyone, even the most perfect person (and yes, people do believe that perfect people exist) can benefit from therapy. 


I have learned so much from my clients. My job is to listen to their stories. Be helpful to them to find their best selves. And again, in relationships, it is about bringing out each other's best selves. Client's have wanted to quit, we have gotten mad at each other, there have been difficult topics ranging from rape to sexuality to depression to eating disorders to bipolar disorder....but we work through it..no one leaves the other out of selfishness or fear or discomfort or anger. It is about learning to tolerate the discomfort. Growing with the discomfort to make you stronger. Empowered. Creating your best, authentic self. 


I feel good to have helped my clients...all in different ways...all at different times. Different interventions, different strategies, different relationships formed, but all of them were helped. I received wonderful thank you notes, and small gifts of appreciation. I felt like this, this right here, is where I belong. Making a difference. Doing good in an environment that relies on honesty, trust, and growth. 


So in the end, I can sum up my experience in one word, insight. 
Insight into the profession. 
Insight into my clients. 
Insight into myself.
Insight into my failed relationships. 
Insight into my successful relationships. 
Insight into my past, present and future. 


I no longer waste energy trying to figure out why people leave you at your most vulnerable moment, why others stay, why some people flee, why some can't commit, and some commit forever, why some live lies and some live truths, why some tell you what you want to hear, while other just tell you how it is truthfully. All of these questions lead to assumptions and are one sided. Figuring out these big questions, these big personality, character questions involves two people, always. Honest answers, honest discussion. And in the end, it is always about being true to yourself, empowering yourself, growing yourself, gaining the insight about yourself to change what needs to be changed, realizing you now have the tools to live the life you want, with the people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Sitting with these clients has made me realize that we are not alone in this world. Pain and fear and discomfort is in all of us, and one point or another. It is about setting it free. Not hiding from it, not running from it, but truly freeing yourself from it. 


This world is not about being selfish. It is about connecting.
I feel so lucky to be connected to so many.
I am overwhelmed by the support of those near and far, old and new.
Laughter and tears, good news and bad, I have this incredible support net a mile wide, ready to throw me out into the world, and catch me when I fall. 


What a true gift.