What TIME is it Mr. Fox?

Time. If only it were as easy and fun as the elementary school game "What TIME is it Mr. Fox?" I loved that game, I loved being active, I didn't quite realize the complicated nature of time.
Best friend, worst enemy.
Here I am with 32 days left of my first year of teaching, where did the time go?
Where did this year go?
How much time does it take to learn life lessons?
Time heals, it moves forward, it hurts, it teaches you things, there is never enough of it, it makes you appreciate people, it gives you purpose, you wish you could turn it back, you pray you never have to live it again, you yearn for more of it, you wish it would speed up, you wish it would slow down...time, it's here to stay.

I think the most important lesson I learned this year is patience. Patience with myself, with the people in my life, with my past, with my future, with my students, with my parents, with my friends. Patience, that tomorrow will be better. Patience, in dealing with troublesome students. Patience, in dealing with myself, my self-image, my perfectionist personality, my struggle with change and sensitivity. Patience, in waiting for new people to come into my life that help me find happiness and embrace these crazy years in my early twenties. Patience, in the fact that not everything has to get done today, not every worksheet will be error free, not ever lesson will go smoothly. Patience, in that I will make mistakes, I will say the wrong things, I will treat people the way they shouldn't be treated, but have the patience to go back and say the right things, and repave the rocky the road.

My trip to Florida was wonderful, it showed me how much I deserve to treat myself well, and give myself vacations and time with friends. I deserve it. I come back to the last leg of school, and while exhausted and overwhelmed, I am feeling excited and accomplished that my chosen career was an overall great success. And while pink slips go out on Friday, I pray that my job is secure and that I will be at my school next year. The staff, the students, I love it. And while there are mixed feelings about administration, school politics etc, I think that could be found in any school. I feel like I found a good groove, a wonderful group of friends, and a very easy transition into and out of my first year. I am incredibly thankful I am not a intern this year, looking for jobs and going to job fairs in this economy must be hell. Michigan State had 92 less schools than last year. I heard from a friend that some interns were talking about only interviewing in one area, only looking for jobs in a few cities....what a poor life decision, do they not watch the news? Do they not want a jobs? Idiots. Priorities people. I am not saying that you may not get lucky and teach in the area you want to, but honestly, only interviewing and looking in a certain area, get over yourself. If financially you can afford your own place, please look in more than just 5 or 6 cities. Interview EVERYWHERE, you never know what will pop up, and where. That is part of life, new experiences, new places, change....you cannot get everything in life handed to you, welcome to the real world. You get a job where there is an opening....not because it is in the ideal suburban environment next to your greatest friends and cool hang outs. Teach where you will make a difference, teach in a place because it fits your major, your passion, go out a limb, spread your wings....or be an idiot and just sub your life away until you get that ideal job. And let me tell you, from experience, the ideal job in your head now, will drastically change after you have taught for a year. Good luck.

Everything happens for a reason...it is, what it is. I am me, take it or leave it. Persistence. Pro-active. Sarcastic. Meant to be. Change. Better people. Better me. I spent so long wondering if I made the wrong choice student teaching back home, I spent so long wondering weather or not teaching back in my home district was a good idea, I spent so long re-wishing I could do it over. Until now. I realized that student teaching back home, allowed me to make contacts I never would have been able to up at STATE. It allowed me to form life-long friendships with people I would never have even seen otherwise. People that have completely changed my view of life, challenges, the future, meaning of family and relationships, and connection. My student teaching gave me an experience that was not in SPARKLE VALLEY, it showed me the realities of urban education, in a positive environment, that showed how much teachers care about giving all students an equal education, passionate about their students, and taught me skills in classroom management, lesson plans, and assessment that were all brought with me this year and made my first year easier than any other first year teacher I have heard of. I don't take back the rough year for anything, in hindsight, because of the better person and teacher it made me. I don't think that people with the typical "perfect" school experience in student teaching, will be as prepared in their first year, nor be able to relate to the vast student population and parents they will encounter. I feel lucky to have had this.

I also feel that it was exactly what was meant to be, to be at my school. Comfort of my old teachers around me, allowed me to stay home and save a lot of money this year, and I have met some great colleagues who have become wonderful friends that have not only helped me out tremendously as mentors and given me wonderful ideas professionally, but have become truly great friends and have supported me in ways I could never begin to thank them for. Life experience, advice, support, a listening ear, perspective, and of course a sense of humor....allowing me to completely be myself and not feel bad talking things out when life gets messy. If I didn't take the path I took, I never would have met them, and I know they came into my life just at the right time, and for just the right reason.

Time and teachers. There is never enough of it as a a teacher, grading, assessment, after school activities. But there is also so much time to get to know the kids and form relationships with them. My job allows me to work with AWESOME kids filled with so much potential, I feel so fortunate to be a part of their lives and to do the job I do. I feel extraordinary lucky that will all my time spent in the public schools system, I came across teachers that have forever changed my life.....they believed in me when I ceased to believe in myself. They read through 4 page emails I sent home from college, they helped me maintain that every desired 4.0 GPA, they gave me confidence, they supported me through student teaching, they went out on a limb for me, they continue to support me and believe in me and still instill a sense of confidence that I could never have on my own. Their compassion for me as a person, who I am, and who I am striving to be shows me what true friendship can come out of my chosen profession and colleague support. It also shows me that I will be unconditionally supported by these people, some of whom I have known since I was 11 years old, for the rest of my life. And with how I have felt in the past, this is very comforting.

As far as relationships go, I have learned that distance has very little to do the value and strength of relationships. I was made to feel very badly for very long because I viewed distance from friends as a bad thing. I was made to feel that I couldn't share negative things I was going through, because people in my life had no room for negativity. I was made out to be this horrible, angry, jealous person because I just needed support and reassurance. What I have learned, is that distance has actually strengthened my friendships. While I miss my MSU friends and high school friends and friends that have moved away desperately, and it was a transition not seeing them everyday, once we moved away from each other, I realized what good friends we really were. A phone call every time a new first happened, a e-mail and surprise visit when we could tell something was not right, visits are as if no time has passed at all, distance gave us the room to grow as people travel our own paths meet new people, friends, boyfriends, yet still come back to the comforts of our friendship. True passion for each others well being, solid in our values for our friendship, unbreakable listening and communcation skills, and wonderful support, advice, memories and laughter. As I look at my future, I know there are may unknowns....graduate school, moving out, marriage, travel, kids...this group of friends have taught me what I deserve, who I am, that I should not be afraid to stand up for what I believe in, they have supported me and listened through every bad event, and stressful situation. I no longer hide things out of fear that it will rip apart our friendships...instead it makes us stronger. There are no secrets, no off limit topics, they have proved time and time again, that I am never alone, no matter what the situation....in a future that is so unknown it is wonderful to know that as independent as they have helped me become, I also know they will always be by my side.

Time. I have a lot left to experience with my time here. There is a lot left to learn, a lot left to enjoy, and I have not mastered appreciating every moment. Life gets crazy and hectic and I get overwhelmed and stressed out. But, that is what tomorrow is for. I always remain hopeful that I will have a lot more time to learn from life, learn from my relationships. Time to enjoy my future family and grandparents and my career. Time to heal from mistakes and past betrayals, and time to rebuild and form new realtionships. Time to enjoy my accomplishments, time to accomplish life goals, time to just breath, and read a book. Time to help others in need, and time to support others when they need me.

Right now, it's time to think that with time, everything will work out exactly as it should. I am strong-willed, and confident, and sensitive, and compassionate and a bit OCD....but time has taught me that all of that is ok because it makes me who I am.

Time taught me that I could not just stop my life and dwell on the negative and the what-ifs and why, and why bad things happen to good people, and try and change other people....no, because I was starting to forget all the good, all the positive, all I had going for me, the best of myself....no one can make me forget, ignore or betray the best of who I am. I recieved some really great advice from a friend that said "You should never feel that you have to apologize for how you are feeling or why you are feeling that way. Whether you are having rational or irrational feelings, they are what they are, and you have to know that it is ok. " It was great advice and gave me much needed perspective on my life, my past, how I feel about myself, what I need from others, what to do with guilt and what I should do when challenges come my way.

So to TIME....for all the good and all of the bad and all the time I have left........it is now time to take "me time" on this Sunday night before another week passes me by.....

Spring has Sprung

With the sun shining and Spring Break officially here, I can feel the excitement that this new season will bring. I am 24 hours away from spending the week in the sunshine state, and cannot wait to spend time with such good friends. It is exactly what I need, friends, sunshine, a break from the routine.

I woke up to a wonderful run this morning, I am supposed to be following this couch to 5k plan, I am using it more like a guideline. This mornings run, wasn't even hard, I just fell into a good rhythm and before I knew it, 37 minutes and 11 seconds later, my 5k loop had been complete. No walking at all. I felt very accomplished, until I looked to my left and saw my two friends running almost 6 miles to see if they can get ready to run a 10k! One step at a time for me though. My hip and knee have not been great, I hope I am not training too hard, I am determined to finish this race at the end of May, I may need to slow down and regroup once I get back from Florida. But right now, I feel very accomplished. I popped on the scale this morning as well, and welcomed a few pound weight loss. It is interesting going about losing weight in a different way, a much healthier way this time around. It's like the weight loss is secondary, distance, speed, time, consistency with running is primary. It's better this way.

39 more school days and I have completed my first year of teaching. Insane. I know I will feel accomplished at the end of the year, there are also a lot of unknowns for next year, and I am hoping we all get what we want, and what is meant to be, without too much stress or drama going on. I do not like school politics.

I have narrowed my search down to 3 apartments for my living situation. I will be visiting all three the week after Spring Break, and I am very excited to move out, and be independent.

I met with my advisor for graduate school. I will be starting school June 29. Two classes to start, and I cannot wait for my new folders, and colored labels:) I planned my entire plan of study over the next three years, and love that I have a plan, an internship all set, and I should be able to pay for it mostly on my own without taking out too many loans.

There has been a lot of growing pains I have been working through over the last year, as I have mentioned before, and I am entering into a very new stage of my life. It's exciting, and scary and frustrating and wonderful all at the same time. It's a time of my life to focus on me, build the person I need to be and want to be. Take care of medical issues that have been put to the sidelines, take care of me personally, professionally, etc. I got some really good advice from friends that said "You know what you want and you are trying to get it the best way you know how. You have to be true to yourself and do what makes you happy." And this is what I am living by....

Happy Spring