My first day of my second year of teaching begins in about 12 hours. What a whirlwind this last year has been. My second year teacher jitters are actually worse than my first year. I am sure this is because last year I was coming off of student teaching hell, and let's face it, it could only go up from there. Now, reality sets in. If I think back on student teaching, and my first year of teaching though, I realize that it has made me into a teacher beyond my years of experience. Classroom management, relationships with students, teachers, lesson plan differentiation, seeing how different students learn, middle school, high school, urban, suburban, colleague relationships, motivation, techniques to teach Spanish, what worked, what failed, I really would not have wanted it any other way. This year will prove to be another adventure in the life of a teacher, and if I can make myself grow and learn something it is this: every new school, new students, new teachers, new friends, have only proved to benefit me in the long run. With time, they have changed who I am as a teacher and as a person, and this, if I am patient, I know my second year will prove to have the same effect. I know for sure, that this is what I am supposed to be doing. I have waited for so long to be a teacher, I was a born teacher, and I truly do love what I do, and that is more than most people can say.
I will now be both a Spanish AND English teacher this year. And while at first very nervous and apprehensive about this, I took a minute to take myself back 6 years to the end of high school. I specifically remember telling my old Spanish and English teacher on graduation night that I promise I will come back after I graduate college and we will be colleagues as I follow right in their footsteps and become a Spanish and English teacher myself. And here I am, a Spanish and English teacher. Two subjects I grew up loving, and am so passionate about, and two classes I am able to share that passion with my students. How incredibly lucky. I have some amazing English teacher friends in my life, that have passed on their best teaching practices to me, and Spanish just seems like second nature now.
Of course I am nervous. I anxiously await the time when I will find my groove, my teacher clique, my place....but it will come. Just like it took a few months last year to find the cool crowd:), I have to think that it will come this year too. The staff has been amazingly welcoming, offering books and lessons and lunch plans and just a check in to see how I am doing. A young, friendly staff that is committed to putting kids first, what better teaching environment could you want?
No doubt, I will still have struggles, surviving your twenties, is not always easy. I will work on it on my own, and will try to open up when I cannot find my own two feet. I will focus on NOT using my defense mechanism by shutting everyone out. It's not fair to myself, nor is it fair to my friends, who are so willing to be there for me. But when I do try to shut the world out, which will happen from time to time, I hope I have strong enough relationships with others and with myself, to work through it, to not have it held against me, to support me and support others, and find myself and those closest to me, happy in the end. Ya know, in the end, I am just trying to be the best person I can be, and the best friend I can be, and while I set psychotically high expectations on myself I hope I am doing ok.
I sit and think about all the changes still ahead of me, and all the changes behind me, and I realize what an important part of my life this is. I can look back now, and realize why I had to go through all the shit I had to go through. It didn't seem fair at the time, but time has shown me that most things really do happen for a reason. As a take these next few months to stand my ground, move out, begin my second year of teaching, I will try to take the time to enjoy this point in my life. It is not always easy, but I have really wonderful people in my life to support me; something that two years ago, I never thought I would have again. Over the last two years, I have learned the true definition of genuine, supportive, trustworthy, healthy relationships....something I thought I had and kept losing over the past several years and even in my youth, but in reality, I never had it to its truest extent. So much, was so fake, and I look back now and realize how poorly I was I was treated by so many. I ask myself why I put up with people that tried to minimize what I was going through, and lied right to my face and pulled away. I have learned that no one should EVER make me feel guilty for how I am feeling or what I am trying to fight for, my feelings and my beliefs, rational, or irrational are what they are, and true friends are going to embrace whatever it is I am going through. They will see my integrity, they will see me putting them before myself, they will see my loyalty and my compassion, and the points I pride myself on. They will embrace my insecurities, not hold them against me. I think the saying that says "as we grow, we meet better people" could not be more true. Not only better people, but more genuine people. People that go out of their way just to make sure you get a chance to be heard. People that believe in relationships as a two-way street. People that better help me understand myself and make me feel good about myself and show loyalty on a daily basis. These past two years have brought wonderful people into my life, and back into my life, both new and old, and I wouldn't be where I am without them.
And so, as I embark on the first day of my second year, I am happy, and optimistic, and thankful. I look forward to inspiring my kids. I look forward to having the same impact I had last year. I look forward to singing verb conjugation songs, and listening to AZUL in class. I look forward to writing with my kids, and organizing them, and going to homecoming. I love what I do, and this will be a GREAT year.
