In dealing........

When we are feeling as if there is no way out, nothing to look forward to,
and we're anticipating only days and days of emotional agony ahead of us,
we need to recognize that we are not alone.
There are many others who have been through grief and are living their lives and functioning as capable, loving people in the world.
We will join them one day...and will, in the future,
live a life that is not governed by wrenching emotion.

Dear Friend,
Please be patient with me; I need to grieve in my own way and in my own time.
Please don't take away my grief or try to fix my pain. The best thing you can do is listen to me and let me cry on your shoulder. Don't be afraid to cry with me. Your tears will tell me how much you care.
Please forgive me if I seem insensitive to your problems. I feel depleted and drained, like an empty vessel, with nothing left to give.
Please let me express my feelings and talk about my memories. Feel free to share your own stories of my loved one with me. I need to hear them.
Please understand why I must turn a deaf ear to criticism or tired clichés. I can't handle another person telling me that time heals all wounds.
Please don't try to find the "right" words to say to me. There's nothing you can say to take away the hurt. What I need are hugs, not words.
Please don't push me to do things I'm not ready to do, or feel hurt if I seem withdrawn. This is a necessary part of my recovery.
Please don't stop calling me. You might think you're respecting my privacy, but to me it feels like abandonment. Please don't expect me to be the same as I was before. I've been through a traumatic experience and I'm a different person.
Please accept me for who I am today. Pray with me and for me. Should I falter in my own faith, let me lean on yours. In return for your loving support I promise that, after I've worked through my grief, I will be a more loving, caring, sensitive, and compassionate friend-because I have learned from the best.

Miss me but let me go

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no grieving in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free
Miss me a little – but not too long and not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me – but let me go
For this is a journey that we all must take and each must go alone
It’s all a part of the Almighty’s plan
A step on the road to home
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me – but let me go

My greatest loss

I lost so much of my soul yesterday----who I am, the values I hold, this over-arching presence in my life. I write to help cope, and I write to prevent myself from going inward. Yet here I sit, painfully grieving, with this sudden death in my family, and I am truly, whole-heartedly at a loss for words. I have offered to write the eulogy, because I know on some level it will bring me peace, but the thought of writing it down on paper makes it permanent. And I am not sure I am ready for that.


I am comforted by the outpouring of love and support from dear friends and family thus far and the overwhelming amounts of love I am sure I will receive as the rest of the week unfolds, but I find myself heart-broken, speechless, and I know this is only the calm before the storm.