It is hard to believe that I sit here in negative degree temperatures, staring at the white snow piled up outside, and in 8 short days I will be navigating the ocean on a cruise with my favorite person. No, this is not another girlfriend trip, this is not an outing with my best friend, my favorite person these days is someone who came into my life just four months ago, and my life was forever changed.
Life has a funny way of surprising you when you least expect it. I am relearning so much about myself. Never did I expect to allow myself to open up to someone with so much honestly, and vulnerability and trust. Someone who is quirky, and smart, and makes me laugh and laughs equally as hard at my sarcastic sense of humor.
To feel accepted for just who I am, the way I am. Feeling safe in pajamas and glasses for a lazy weekend, and feeling safe dressed up for an evening out.
I tread down this new territory a bit scared and a bit nervous. Life changes are not something I love. But I do love this boy that has literally swept me off my feet. And because deep down, I know this is so good for me, I take a leap of faith into something I know will be lasting, something that I have waited so long for, something that I look forward to each day.
I think in life you have to take risks. There is so much to fear in a new life circumstance, but running from it, as I have done in the past has proven to be really destructive. But long standing patterns are hard to break. 25 year coping mechanisms of turning inward, blaming, being scared, not facing things head on have left me in a place that I don't want my life to be in. It take a lot of work to shift your cognitive distortions (a cool psychology word I learned and realize how many I actually have)....distortions are simply beliefs you grew up with that have come part of the workings of your brain and you truly believe them. I am working to change the negative ones. It's taking that risk, that allows you to enjoy pure joy.
I am fulfilled with the friendships in my life...girlfriends that have helped me guide me through this quarter-life crisis that the latest pop-culture has coined. I have learned so much from them about trust and loyalty, gossip, and humor, relationships and the ups and downs of life. I have a wonderful circle around me that took me years to form, but I feel secure in those who I have around me.
The missing link of that circle of support is now in my life, and widening and adjusting that circle is scary and a challenge. But as he begins to complete my circle, I too, feel complete.
I found this quote years ago that says:
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
One of the most important things in life in my opinion is to learn to give out love, and let it come in....
I found him...and I could not feel luckier.........
