Just because

Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul
Do you think that there's enough you might drown

If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one is left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you for what you really are
I will be here still

No one can take you where you alone must go
There's no telling what you will find there
And God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones
It's screaming every step, "just stay here"

If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one is left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you for what you really are
I will be here still

If you find your fists are raw and red
From beating yourself down
If your legs have given out under the weight
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate

If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one is left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you for what you really are
I will be here still

.........

There is strength in tears, and I do lock the gate to keep it all in. But, no one can take me where I alone, must go. There is a lot of fear, of course. Having said that, insurmountably thankful for those that are there for me, unconditionally, in the best of times, and the worst of times. Not to solve my problems, but just to listen, when I decide to speak.

Temporary Home

Carrie Underwood has a fabulous new song on her amazing new CD.....TEMPORARY HOME.

As with most of her songs, the song hits home for me. Today was an interesting day.
Let's just say that I am glad I had plans to go running with friends, it allowed me to follow through with a commitment that I had, and prevented some other things going through my head.
I think sometimes in these moments, not the sweat that dripped off me as I was running, but in the moments of uncertainty and fear, that I felt burning in me when I woke up this morning, have got to help you find out who you are and build your strength. Not overnight, but something, somewhere, told me to make it through the day. Maybe it was myself, maybe it was knowing my friends would be waiting for me, maybe it was a miracle push through the day.
I do realize that this is my temporary home...not only physically as I will be moving out in a few weeks, but also I am only temporarily here. I will move on, pass through, and feel good again. I love the song for so many reasons. For its hope, for its sympathy, for making me feel grateful on some level, for its faith, and for allowing me to listen to the calming words.
The past still holds me back, and the present hurts, and the future holds so much promise.
From point A to point B. I wish I could see the path.
I ran 2.0 miles and weight trained with friends this afternoon....and that is my positive.

Will they understand? Where do I begin? What would I say, or not say?
I am not a quitter, and this is only my temporary home.......

Play on

I feel happy. I had a great teaching week. I felt like what I was doing had a purpose.
Felt good about me, where I am, where I am headed.
I laughed, I enjoyed, I was thankful.
I was helpful, I helped make several people feel better, it's what I love to do best.
I am a work in progress.
I cry myself to sleep some nights for reasons too long to list.
I cry on the shoulder of friends, when I cannot hold it in anymore.
But now, right now, I am happy, very happy.
I don't have all the answer for all the questions going through my head.
But I go with it...I will continue to go with it...and when I stumble
I will Play on.......