I see this summer in a whole new light.
In a light I have never quite seen before.
A summer filled with the light of knowing I will be employed in the fall, in a school that I love, with students who keep me entertained, and with staff that keep me sane.
A summer filled with finishing my master's degree, and opening up my counseling and therapy road ahead of me.
A summer of complete contentment, vacations, and new beginnings.
A summer filled with my best friends, who have proven year after year their support, loyalty, and humor. After many years of relationships filled with turmoil, and drama, and secrecy, I am at the point where I can truly wish the people well in those old failed, relationships, and I understand that they served a very important purpose in my life at that time, and taught me very specific lessons that has made me into the person I am today, and has lead me to the most dear friends I could every ask for, friends that will be in my life forever.
A summer where there is some uncertainty, but I know now, that there will always be uncertainty in life. The difference now, is that I have had the good fortune to move into uncertainty with someone I am totally and completely in love with.
I don't fall for things easily. I don't rush into things. I don't allow myself to be vulnerable often. But, I have been swept off my feet in a mere 8 months.
The feeling is quite indescribable. It is like waking up every morning knowing that you have something amazing to look forward to every day. It is this sense of excitement every time you hear his voice, asking yourself how did I get so lucky that is talking TO ME?!?! It is the feeling of having 1000 people in a room, and having him only notice you. It is his ability to make you feel so good about yourself, compliment you etc without you ever asking him to. It truly is like meeting another half of yourself...someone who compliments you...someone who is the calm to your type A, someone who is the listening ear to your talkative nature, someone who is understanding, to your emotions, and someone who can tease you for all your quirks which just makes you fall in love all over again.
Ahh, a summer of love, I really cannot wait!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I accuse you for being perfect for me...
I accuse you for being perfect for me... (Artist...Jaron and the Long Road to Love)
And a long road to love it has been.
My gramma always told me that good things come to those who wait.
I waited. And waited. And waited.
And grew sad, and lonely, but still happy as I watched some of my closest friends find love.
I self-destructed. I put myself down. There was a lot of blame, a lot of hate. A lot of awkwardness finding my way. A lot of loss.
But in an unexpected way....in a time when I found my footing, my true friends, my dream job, my own place, just four days before my 25th birthday, the long road to love wasn't so long anymore.
I have found the man that is perfect for me. His actions, his looks, his sweetness, his intelligence, his thoughtfulness, his acceptance, his loyalty, his generosity, his sharing of his life with me. And then he said...I love you. And it was in that moment that I accused him, yes accused him, for being perfect for me. And I have not looked back.
So on this sunny April spring day, despite any negative things that I may think about myself, or think about this week, I go to him, my favorite person, who looks past all the negative, and brings into my life as much positive as I could ask for.
What a lucky, lucky, girl. If my gramma could only see me now....
And a long road to love it has been.
My gramma always told me that good things come to those who wait.
I waited. And waited. And waited.
And grew sad, and lonely, but still happy as I watched some of my closest friends find love.
I self-destructed. I put myself down. There was a lot of blame, a lot of hate. A lot of awkwardness finding my way. A lot of loss.
But in an unexpected way....in a time when I found my footing, my true friends, my dream job, my own place, just four days before my 25th birthday, the long road to love wasn't so long anymore.
I have found the man that is perfect for me. His actions, his looks, his sweetness, his intelligence, his thoughtfulness, his acceptance, his loyalty, his generosity, his sharing of his life with me. And then he said...I love you. And it was in that moment that I accused him, yes accused him, for being perfect for me. And I have not looked back.
So on this sunny April spring day, despite any negative things that I may think about myself, or think about this week, I go to him, my favorite person, who looks past all the negative, and brings into my life as much positive as I could ask for.
What a lucky, lucky, girl. If my gramma could only see me now....
Sunday, February 13, 2011
This is Love
It is hard to believe that I sit here in negative degree temperatures, staring at the white snow piled up outside, and in 8 short days I will be navigating the ocean on a cruise with my favorite person. No, this is not another girlfriend trip, this is not an outing with my best friend, my favorite person these days is someone who came into my life just four months ago, and my life was forever changed.
Life has a funny way of surprising you when you least expect it. I am relearning so much about myself. Never did I expect to allow myself to open up to someone with so much honestly, and vulnerability and trust. Someone who is quirky, and smart, and makes me laugh and laughs equally as hard at my sarcastic sense of humor.
To feel accepted for just who I am, the way I am. Feeling safe in pajamas and glasses for a lazy weekend, and feeling safe dressed up for an evening out.
I tread down this new territory a bit scared and a bit nervous. Life changes are not something I love. But I do love this boy that has literally swept me off my feet. And because deep down, I know this is so good for me, I take a leap of faith into something I know will be lasting, something that I have waited so long for, something that I look forward to each day.
I think in life you have to take risks. There is so much to fear in a new life circumstance, but running from it, as I have done in the past has proven to be really destructive. But long standing patterns are hard to break. 25 year coping mechanisms of turning inward, blaming, being scared, not facing things head on have left me in a place that I don't want my life to be in. It take a lot of work to shift your cognitive distortions (a cool psychology word I learned and realize how many I actually have)....distortions are simply beliefs you grew up with that have come part of the workings of your brain and you truly believe them. I am working to change the negative ones. It's taking that risk, that allows you to enjoy pure joy.
I am fulfilled with the friendships in my life...girlfriends that have helped me guide me through this quarter-life crisis that the latest pop-culture has coined. I have learned so much from them about trust and loyalty, gossip, and humor, relationships and the ups and downs of life. I have a wonderful circle around me that took me years to form, but I feel secure in those who I have around me.
The missing link of that circle of support is now in my life, and widening and adjusting that circle is scary and a challenge. But as he begins to complete my circle, I too, feel complete.
I found this quote years ago that says:
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
One of the most important things in life in my opinion is to learn to give out love, and let it come in....
I found him...and I could not feel luckier.........
Life has a funny way of surprising you when you least expect it. I am relearning so much about myself. Never did I expect to allow myself to open up to someone with so much honestly, and vulnerability and trust. Someone who is quirky, and smart, and makes me laugh and laughs equally as hard at my sarcastic sense of humor.
To feel accepted for just who I am, the way I am. Feeling safe in pajamas and glasses for a lazy weekend, and feeling safe dressed up for an evening out.
I tread down this new territory a bit scared and a bit nervous. Life changes are not something I love. But I do love this boy that has literally swept me off my feet. And because deep down, I know this is so good for me, I take a leap of faith into something I know will be lasting, something that I have waited so long for, something that I look forward to each day.
I think in life you have to take risks. There is so much to fear in a new life circumstance, but running from it, as I have done in the past has proven to be really destructive. But long standing patterns are hard to break. 25 year coping mechanisms of turning inward, blaming, being scared, not facing things head on have left me in a place that I don't want my life to be in. It take a lot of work to shift your cognitive distortions (a cool psychology word I learned and realize how many I actually have)....distortions are simply beliefs you grew up with that have come part of the workings of your brain and you truly believe them. I am working to change the negative ones. It's taking that risk, that allows you to enjoy pure joy.
I am fulfilled with the friendships in my life...girlfriends that have helped me guide me through this quarter-life crisis that the latest pop-culture has coined. I have learned so much from them about trust and loyalty, gossip, and humor, relationships and the ups and downs of life. I have a wonderful circle around me that took me years to form, but I feel secure in those who I have around me.
The missing link of that circle of support is now in my life, and widening and adjusting that circle is scary and a challenge. But as he begins to complete my circle, I too, feel complete.
I found this quote years ago that says:
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
One of the most important things in life in my opinion is to learn to give out love, and let it come in....
I found him...and I could not feel luckier.........
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