Bliss

As November rolls in, I am surrounded by so many changes. 
Superficial changes like new computers and a new car.
But more so, the emergence of a new life.
A new home.
A new "status."
I have waited 28 years for this. And I want to write a book, I want to scream it from the rooftops, that all the hurt, all the pain, all the unanswered questions,tears and heartbreak. All the what ifs, and what nows, and why nows, all come to this. The broken road has led me to my best friend. He came into my life 10 months ago and my life has not been the same sense.

How do I begin to describe these feelings....it is unconditional love and acceptance. 
It is realizing, at the same moment, looking into each others eyes and realizing how similar you are.
The only regret you have is not meeting each other sooner.
It is being put on a pedestal. 
It is being thought of first in every situation...restaurant choice, future home, kids, family situations.
It is talking about the most intimate details of your health, your family, your struggles and feeling closer than ever each day that passes.
It is looking at each other and knowing what the other is thinking.
It is the commitment of the everyday, the mundane, the boring, the moodyness, the excitement, the adventures.
It is leaving work early to make sure I am ok and taking care of me when I am sick.
It is taking me on a tour of the elementary school, middle school and high school that our future children will attend.
It is the everyday goal of making sure I am the happier than the day before, and me having the same goal for him.
It is asking me to move in, but more, asking me if I would like to be engaged first to prove to me how committed he is.  A reminder that he will not be repeating history.
It is asking, rather then telling me, what the house should look like, paint, furniture etc. It is not stressing about furniture placement but rather focusing on building a family in the new home. 

I have come so far. I struggle with my body and image and different things, but the difference now is that I have a man that I can talk to, vent to, disclose my deepest secrets and somehow, he makes me feel ok again.

Life without a best friend, a partner, a wonderful father one day, someone to share life with, is really a life wasted. But finding the right one, is never a waste of time, that I know well.

My next most will most likely me that of a ring, a proposal, and the start of the most beautiful exciting happiest time of my life. And then I will close this blog down. As I have learned what I need to for this stage of my life. And a new blog will emerge as I enter a new stage of my life....marriage, a home, kids, and the ups and downs and perfectness of life. How far I have come. And how worth it, my journey was.

Going to bed feeling so so loved.