I was in a on again off again 2 year college relationship. I loved him. I was shy. I didn't know how to express it. I was battling a horrendous eating disorder. I was lonely. Jealous and lost.
I was in a relationship for almost 2 years. I was treated well. I loved deeply. Until the end. When I was treated horrendously, like a child, like a piece of garbage that never meant anything. I would have gotten married if he hadn't run. I would have also ended up divorced. The depressing reality of our relationship only really appeared to me after the break up. His loss. My gain. I deserve so much more than that relationship ever could have offered. Ever.
I recovered...braver, stronger, more secure than ever. Happier. Free. I found myself in a 5 month relationship of laughter, commitment, family, and a vow never to run away from me or my past. Never to take off on an airplane across the country when something went wrong, willing to stay until in the end. I learned compassion, and healing, confidence, and true love. I learned what it was like to be with a confident, loving, mature man. But I wanted something more, I wanted the feeling.
And this weekend, already, after just a few conversations, I have the feeling. I think this may be it. A gentleman. A family man. A true friend. In front of my eyes for so long. Educated, and funny, common interests and goals, compassion, and friendship, loyalty, and humility, risk-taker and sociable. I, in turn, am confident, and excited. Happy and open. After everything I have been through, my heart opens wide, I know who I am, what I want, exactly what I deserve, and I could not be more excited for the events of this weekend!
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